Rebounding into dating

24-Sep-2015 01:26 by 10 Comments

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Eighteen months after my marriage ended, I jumped into a heady, sexually intense year-long relationship with a fellow writer and parent who was 20 years older than I was.In hindsight, it was no surprise it ended — his kids were grown, mine were tiny, our lives were at different points.

The problem is though that you wont necessarily be ready.

“But I said to myself, ‘I hope this girl can find time to process it all.

Because sooner or later it will catch up with her.’”It has caught up with me.

When my three years ago, I slipped into survival mode: I jutted my jaw, made sure the kids and my business and the money and the divorce and the house were all in order.

Trust me, there were plenty of late night crying fits and trips to therapists and a wonderful support group for loved ones of brain injury victims.

At the same time though you also lose a big part of your lifestyle and the sheer amount of change that you go through from your day to day routines to your circle of friends makes this a huge ordeal.

This is one of the big things that creates that pull to get back into the dating game perhaps sooner than we should.

And, if you’re like me, you consciously appreciate those mutual feelings so very much more — which only adds to the scythe bludgeoning once it falls.

The break up of a long relationship is an incredibly painful and upsetting thing to go through and in many ways is akin to grieving over the loss of a loved one.

When you are contending with a 360-degree life barf, there is scant space to sit quietly and feel the weighty grief of no longer spending nights with a person who you at least once — likely still — loved very much.

Not just the absence of Which is where the rebound breakup and all its gory hurt come in.

Those sad Sundays were committed to indulging the emotion and grief and healing that had eluded me. At bedtime after coming home from her dad’s on Sunday, I laid next to my then-4-year-old daughter in her twin bed. I worry I dismiss the grief my kids might feel over the divorce. Even more than an ending love, all that pain and torment is really about contending with unresolved heartbreak from divorce.

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